PAT'S PATTER

2012-01-15T07:01:00.001-07:00

Mom

- Thanksgiving - two weeks and two days ago my Mom passed away. We knew it was coming as she was almost 95 years old, and would have been on the 22nd of this month. But it was still rather quick. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with all of our children but one and their families and then Christmas was just as great. Everything was going along so well then out of the blue we all picked up this dumb stomach flu. it was such a nasty bug that Glen and I were really ill from it. Well, it seems so was my Mom. Then she ended up in the hospital two days later. She had a trust in place with a DNR attached. We didn't want Mom to be miserable so decided to keep her in the hospital. They didn't do anything for Mom except keep her comfortable. This gave her family a chance to say goodby to her. The ones near were able to come and spend some time visiting while the others called and did all they could do from a distance. I know their struggle was the worst. My niece had just moved to Arkansas and this was so difficult for her as she was missing her immediate family so much and then to have her grandmother so ill. When we learned her time was so close all of our girls and their families started to make plans for coming home. Our Daughter and her two children were able to drive up from AZ and were here on December 31st. That was most comforting to have them around, supporting, commiserating, hugging and sharing a few tears.

I know Mom is much happier now as she was having so many problems and hated the fact that someone else had to do most things for her as she had always been such a independent lady. There seemed few things she couldn't or at least wouldn't attempt to fix. Her home was always so nice and clean and she was a great cook. But at the end, she was unable to do most of these things by herself. We were blessed to have some very wonderful people coming in that helped her out. She didn't want to go to an assisted living place but desired to stay in her own home, so this is how it all came to pass.

I am glad her burdens have been lifted from her frail body and that she now can be free of the constraints that have so long frustrated her. Now she is able to be with her family, parents, sisters and brothers, grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends that have all gone before her. But there is a great whole in my life. I feel like my reason for doing things has gone away. Now that may sound so dramatic but the last few years, my sweet husband and myself have had the opportunity and sometimes burden of taking care of my Mom. When there were any problems or appointments that needed to be accomplished we were the ones that provided the support. We had also taken her with us on many trips, not the last while but before. She enjoyed going on these outings because we usually went to visit with one of our children and their families so that gave her the chance to enjoy them too. I find every once in a while I reach to call Mom to tell her something that has happened or to just visit to see how she is doing. I have so closed in my arena of friends that my husband and my Mom were my closest friends and companions. To have 1/2 of that group gone is very difficult.

To my Mom, I say, I am glad you are happy and at peace. You have earned your eternal time with your loved ones. Until we meet again. I love you. Your loving daughter, Pat.

2011-11-29T07:26:00.001-07:00

Thanksgiving - has come and gone so quickly. It seemed like a whirlwind this year. Our daughter Kristie and her hubby Jared and their children just moved into a new home. It is lovely and they had extra room so we had Thanksgiving dinner at their home.. It was so nice, plenty of room and the food was delicious. Our daughters arranged the menu between them and it all turned out very nice, in fact we had so much food after we ate, one had to wonder if anyone had eaten very much.

At first I was feeling a little lost because I have pretty much done the dinner myself and all I did this year was pies, cranberries and candied yams. But to see our daughters working together to accomplish this was so wonderful and helped me to see how things can and should change as we grow older.

My Mom is 94 years young and she was able to be there. She is having a few problems getting around but Nan and Steph jumped in and helped her every time she needed to move from one place to another. Gene, Sue and Nik also helped out so much, they ran up to pick her up and bring her down to Kristie's place. Glen and Nik took her home and helped her with her evening preparations. Others helped her if she even looked like she needed something. All and all she had a delightful day and was very tired by evening but the glow was still there several days after. So thank you all for your help and love shown.

We had the opportunity to go down to see our Salt Lake Grizzlies hockey team in action. Jared arranged that for all of us which was so nice of him to do. There were 19 of us. After the game they had an "open" skate and most of the kids were able to go down and try their luck on the ice. It was fun to watch them all trying so hard to stand up. There were a couple that were able to do more than that but fun was had by all of them. After they closed the skating down, Jared brought his young son out on his ice skates and invited all of us out there without our skates and we watch some of our group playing on the ice together. We all had such a fun time and were nice and tired at the end of the night.

When it was time for Sue, Gene and their family to go home we were so sad because they had come such a long way and we didn't want them to leave. We so enjoyed having them. Nan, Russ and their family didn't leave until Sunday so we had a little more time with them, which was nice. With our family so scattered so far away it is difficult to get together but I really appreciate their efforts to bring their families and the food they prepared and everything else to be with us. I know it was a great effort and expense but thank you.

Now to the reason for Thanksgiving - to give thanks for all that we have been given and for our fore fathers and their sacrifices to come to America. I am so grateful for the many, many blessings we have been given, first being our children, their spouses and our grandchildren. The joys that come from seeing each and everyone of them as they grow and become what they desire and to make their lives so special. Each has their own view of what is needed and it's wonderful to see these things mature. I guess what I'm trying to say is I love our children, their husbands and grandchildren so much. Each has a special place in my heart, life would not be the same without each of them. Thank you Father for each of them they are truly a blessing in our lives and family.

I so enjoyed having all but our one daughter home for the holidays. We missed her and wished she could have been with us. Our grandchildren are growing up so much and we had a lovely surprise announced we have another grandchild coming into this world next year.

Family

2011-10-04T14:24:00.004-06:00

Life is so simple when you are a child. You cry when you are hurt or upset and you laugh when you are happy. But at times things get in the way of a child's simple life.

A child is a gift to us all, he or she brings a touch of the Lord into our homes and lives. The sweetness they have, their willingness to smile, to run, to giggle, to sing, to talk, the innocence they bring into our lives. What joy it is to see and watch a child as they innocently go on their way learning. The question is what are we teaching them? Is it good? Does it help them as they grow up into their teen and adult years?

I have watched our young grandchildren as they are growing up and what a joy it is to talk to them and see their joy. They jump, they giggle, they run and they chatter, and tell what is going on in their lives.

They are beautiful and sweet. Yes, they have their moments just like we do that perhaps they are not as fun to be around but the fun ones far out weigh the difficult ones.

Thank you Lord for these beautiful and sweet children you have sent to our family. Some of them have grown up and into or close to adulthood but they still have that sweet innocence that is such a joy to see and be around. I am so grateful for our grandchildren and our children that are raising them. How did I ever get so blessed?

9/11 - 10 Years later

2011-09-14T06:01:00.002-06:00

I waited to post this until now as for some reason I was so caught up in the feelings I had at that time. Other years have come and gone and yes I have felt sad but not this overwhelming sadness and hopelessness. I have worked through these feelings and realize I really haven't allowed myself to think through this tragedy since it happened. It seemed I did so much thinking, wondering, asking my self how could someone hate so much that they wanted to kill so many innocent people.

They say it's an act of war but how can that be if you are focusing on people who are not able to defend themselves. Who are not fighters like these individuals, who have not been trained.

I give respect to other religions and faiths even though they are much different than I believe but to have a "faith" or "religion" that encourages people to hate, to kill, to "get even" for past offenses is beyond my understanding or willingness to accept.

Yes, I admit it I am a peace loving individual. I want others to find a way to work things out, no matter the problem. I am not saying that is an easy statement to follow through on but feel it is worth the effort.

No I am not a "Pollyanna" type of person that sees everyone and everything in a sunny, happy light. Many times I wished I did and at times I thought I was very cynical individual but when this ugly, tragic, act of violence occurred it caused me to realize I really do expect the best in others and when they don't always act the way I would want I usually am able to understand that yes, we are human and have frailties or that we all make mistakes. But this was not just a mistake it was planned act of only one thing - Satan's plan to destroy mankind. The evil that was felt at that time could only have a basis from Satan's plan. When we come to this earth we aren't evil or desire evil things but what we are taught or the company we choose to keep many times allows these ideas to germinate in our souls.

I love this country for the freedoms we enjoy, for the reason to get up each day, for the ability to speak our thoughts, for not having to use a "passport" to travel from one city to another. For the rights we enjoy and that so many others want but do not want to give what this freedoms costs. They want it for free. But that is another blog.

To those that think and believe as the individuals did who perpetrated these unthinkable acts, you are cowards, you complain about somethings that you feel you have been put upon by and feel your only recourse is to kill - I say "you are a sorry bunch of humanity". I believe God - both yours and mine looks down and is saddened. The God I know preaches love and kindness and understanding wanting us to emulate the very best He has shown to us. I pray each day for peace among all of us who are so different from one another. I pray for understanding to why these things happen. I give thanks for the men and women who take on the job of protecting our freedoms in this country - and sometimes even giving up their lives for it. I thank the families of those who have given their everything. For the great job they did raising their children and teaching them such moral standards. I know your pain is great but please take my sincere and loving prayers to heart and know many of us weep with you and pray for you.

Thank you God for this country and the people that are striving to make it a better place. Thank you God for bringing peace to my broken heart from the terrible things this Nation witnessed 10 years ago.

Freedom

2011-07-11T07:10:00.002-06:00

The 4th of July has passed and the fireworks have been shot off and we all survived. I was thinking what we celebrate the 4th for. I am extremely grateful for those men and women that have made our freedom a priority and have fought and even given their lives so we might have celebrations here at home and shoot off fireworks and watch parades etc.

What do I sacrifice for this freedom? Perhaps it's the fact that I weep for those loved ones that have been left behind and ache for their sacrifices and those that do come home but are maimed in some way. I pray for you all and support our troops and their families. Thank you men and women for all you give and have given on my behalf. I honor all of you!

Catch Up

2011-07-02T08:21:00.002-06:00

So much has happened since I last wrote - I am so inconsistent at times. Others not so bad - oh well! Anyway, in the past while, our second daughter and her family were evacuated from the Monument fire in AZ. They were one of the first to be evacuated and were out for over 2 1/2 weeks. They lived with good people willing to share their homes for all of that time. When they were finally allowed back in the Dad went because our daughter and her two kids took a trip up to St. George to have a respite with her sister's family. The kids really needed a break from not knowing what was happening with their lives for a short while and just be kids again. The medicine worked, they both bloomed back into the lovely young ones they were all along. Our daughter also needed some down time to be allowed to assimilate all that was going on and that her home really was saved. They only took a few clothes and some pictures and their lap top computer. They walked out the door and left everything they had. Oh except they took their dog, fish and lizard. For payment, they were blessed with their home being saved along with one other one and a couple that were only partially damaged and the rest of the homes were burned to the ground. Just saying that makes me want to cry for all of those that have to start over, but they have such a great attitude about how lucky they are to have all of their loved ones out and some for neighbors getting their beloved cars (collection) out and to safety as the family was on vacation out of the state. Thank you Father that no person was lost during this fire. Such devastation over neglect to put out a camp fire.

I was thinking how grateful I am for our family and loved ones and the fact that they are taking on life's many challenges and forging onward. Some challenges are great ones and some are, in others views small, but they are still stumbling blocks for us to overcome and grow.

There is a lady in our ward that is without a doubt one of the kindest, sweetest and most caring (especially for children, she's a great teacher) I know. She has not been blessed with a mate or children and her heart is really taking a beating. How I wish I had the knowledge to help her through this heartache. She has remained stalwart in the Church even though family is such a BIG part of it all. But every once in a while it is just too much for her to bear. Please say a prayer for this lady because she needs us to help her in her times of difficulty. I guess I feel so much more for her because of our oldest daughter who is facing much the same circumstances except she has left the Church and even God because of it. There are times when I feel like it's too much for me to bear the heart ache for our daughter but then I remind myself this is her journey and I am only a bystander but being her mother makes me want to make it all better for her. I can't imagine how our Heavenly Father felt watching His Son go through the awful things HE had to face while in this mortal state. Thank you for the sacrifices and showing us the way.

Rain

2011-06-02T06:24:00.003-06:00

Rain, Rain go away and come back another day. Yes, we sang that as children and I find myself singing that again. A couple nights ago, the weather gal said we had just under 12 inches of rain for the months of March, April and May. Doesn't the weather person in the sky know - we live in a desert? The really sad part of all of this is the flooding that is going on all over Northern Utah. Homes that have become flooded and farms that are flooded. These provide for the animals but for humans also. But what about our fresh corn, beans, tomatoes, squash, you know the good things of summer? Everyone loses in this. But we aren't the only ones that are having a difficult spring. The tornadoes that have struck the mid west are so devastating. It seems when the news is on we hear about more and more destruction by Mother Nature. She is truly the "boss" and we are mere humans. Really makes us look at things in a different light. Are we prepared for what is ahead? I hope so! I worry about our children, grandchildren, brothers and their families, my Mom. We have our 72 hours kits ready and try to go through them twice a year but this usually happens only once a year. To change out medications and clothes and such. But we are trying.

On a happier note - the sun was out yesterday morning and it was a glorious sight! And the outside plants are really enjoying all of the cool wet weather. I guess the whole thought here is - we need to look at the good with the bad and realize we wouldn't appreciate the good without the bad.

Escape

2011-03-16T06:44:00.005-06:00

We just returned last week from a much needed "get away". We were able to take some time and stop our life so to speak here on the home front and go south to visit with another Daughter, Son and their family. We also got to go to our "dentist" who is our Son. He very kindly has offered to do our dental work. We feel so grateful for this "GIFT" from him as this is his living and he helps us which at this time in our life is really appreciated. When we were working we had dental benefits but since retiring that has all gone away. We can't find dental insurance for our time in life (not important enough for us seniors) but even if we could we couldn't afford it. Anyway, thank you Russ we SO appreciate all you do for us.

When we first left, we both were so done in we were shocked at how tired we were. Mostly what we did for a great deal of the time we were gone was just veg. As we started to feel better we took little trips around the area and saw some incredible things. A place called Warm Springs where out in the middle of the desert you find a paradise so to speak of palm trees and warm water. The day we went out we did have one disappointment, there had been a big fire last July which burned an incredible path through the beauty. We were unable to go onto some land the LDS church owns because of reconstruction but it is a trip we will make in the future. The things we saw where the fire had devastated was so sad because there had been homes where people were living and it looks like it took everything they had. That broke my heart to see what they had endured and continue to endure.

Onto a happier note, the road to warm springs is a quiet little two lane road but on the road about 1/2 mile before getting to the LDS property they are building a road side rest stop. It is just lovely, they have brick walk ways and covered picnic areas but as we ventured further we also found hiking trails and some information built around the warm springs. It seems there was a fish that was to distinction. We read the information on this and we very interested in this fish they were bringing back. It is called a Dace. Well, along with the information signs we found on the other side of the walk way was a Plexiglas wall that was one side of the warm springs ditch running through this area. There we could look at the "side" of the ditch and see this fish that was at most two inches long and there was also some snails that lived there. It was very interesting to be able to see down into the ditch from the side and see the way the water was interacting with the plants and such. All and all we really enjoyed venturing into this little area and finding all of this beauty (well it was at one time before the fire and will again, I'm sure). The one thing that really struck me was the peace and quiet of the country life. I have missed this which I grew up knowing and enjoying.

There is so much around us that we really don't stop and enjoy, so I am glad we took the time to see all of this.

A Wakeup Call

2011-02-06T21:16:00.002-07:00

Friday a very sad thing happened in our family. A beloved nephew was killed in an off road motorcycle accident. This man was so special to our family, he was kind, loving, thoughtful, friendly and all of the adjectives that describe a person everyone would like to know. We are so sadden at his passing and will miss him terribly but we know we'll see him again someday.

But the thing that I wanted to write about was, you never know when someone we love will be taken in a blink of an eye. I find myself many times "wishing" my life away, such as when we can get our kitchen redone, when the kids move out, when we don't have all of the responsibility we know now. With this happening, which seems way to soon for this young man, it dawned on me, we can't wish on tomorrows but need to enjoy and live each day to the fullest. I have shed so many tears over this as we thought so highly of him and I know how I would feel if it were one of my children, our adoptive children (sons) grandchildren, on and on. I do believe we'll see one another again in the here after but it still hurts to let them go now. I guess I'm really selfish as I want "my cake and eat it too" so to speak.

This has made me realize how much I love my husband, my family, our extended family, etc. We are so blessed and I thank my Father in Heaven each and every day for each of them but I guess I don't have enough faith to let them go even for a little while. Of course, I won't or don't have any say in this but I still keep trying.

I guess what I'm saying is we should take the time to "really" enjoy our days, even the bad parts so someday when it's time we can say, I have lived life to the fullest and I'm ready to let go.

Birthday

2011-01-24T11:54:00.002-07:00

Saturday, January 22 my Mom was 94 years young. Wow, can't hardly believe she made it this far. Well, I take it back, I can believe it, she has always taken such good care of herself. She eats really well. She is down to where she doesn't eat a lot anymore but what she eats is so well balanced and good for her. I wonder where I went wrong? Hummmm!

On Saturday we took her out to dinner to celebrate her birthday. She was thrilled to be able to go but we had to walk a long distance into the restaurant but she made it both ways but when we got her back to her home, which by the way she is living alone in her own place, she was done in. She stopped at a chair right by the door. Not her usual spot but you could tell she was glad she made it that far. She has had quite a week, on Wednesday we took her shopping to get a new washer machine and coat. Then on Friday we took her grocery shopping and to lunch with her daughter in law, granddaughter and two great granddaughters. She really enjoyed that and then we went to another grocery store, so that was a really BIG day. Then on Saturday we took her out. Usually she only goes on Fridays and if we have a special holiday or she needs to go to the doctor. So this week was really a "killer" week for her and yet it was a good one. I know she really enjoyed it as she is really a social person.

I look at her and realize how long she has lived and the things she has seen come to pass. The changes in our world have been great in my life time but she has lived a good 25 years longer. Wow!

She has had hardships beyond our imagination. In her lifetime she has had three husbands, three children, seen all of her husbands die and one of her sons. That in itself is difficult but she has also seen all of her siblings except her youngest pass on along with her parents and most of her close cousins and so many friends. I know there are times when she wonders why she is still here but if it comes down to it, she will fight to stay. That is the way she is and I think the reason she is still here. She has fought hard all of her life to accomplish many things. To see her children raised and doing well to see 10 grandchildren, many, many great grandchildren and great great grandchildren be born and grow up.

Life is not easy but we were willing to take on the opportunity to come here and do all of the things that would come to us. Thank you Father for my Mom and the many things she has taught me. For the sacrifices she has made for me and my brothers. Thank you.

Happy New Year

2011-01-08T03:53:00.002-07:00

A New Year for all of us - what are we going to do this year that is different from last year. Are we going to make the same mistakes, follow the same trail that we've done in the past? Or are we going to stop and take stock of ourselves and how we can change for the better. This can be something that will benefit each of us and our families. It has been proven that we can't stay the same, we either progress and grow and learn or we become stagnant and go down hill (so to speak). WHAT WILL BE YOUR DESIRE AND DECISION - GO FORWARD OR DOWNWARD?

I want to change my life and take control of it back. At this time I am not sure what that means but I certainly hope to find out.

Happy New year to each of you!

Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T07:09:00.002-07:00

The birth of our Savior Jesus Christ is certainly an important day and one to be celebrated. Then there is Santa, it's in the spirit of giving. Merry Christmas to all and to all a GOOD NIGHT.

Nativity

2010-12-06T19:26:00.002-07:00

Today I had a shock. First I need to back up, my husband's brother Don, said he couldn't find a nativity scene. I thought he must be mistaking so today when we were out shopping I looked and you know what? I couldn't find one. Of course, we didn't go everywhere looking but the fact that we went to one or two places and there was not one to be found. Not even a picture. What part of CHRISTMAS do people miss? I mean CHRIST-MAS.

This really shows that Satan has been working very hard to convince people that X-mas is the way to go. I am so saddened by this fact. I still find it hard to believe that there isn't one in every store you might go too. Don said he finally found one at Home Depot. Of all places?

I feel so sad for the buyers of the various stores that they don't look - NO DEMAND that they have some to sell. Surely there are more people out there that find this a disturbing fact besides me.

I think we need to talk to everyone we meet and ask them if they understand this? Maybe if we talk it up and call the various stores and ask - WHY? Maybe, just maybe it will dawn on someone that Christ needs to be put back into Christmas.

Wonderful time of the year

2010-12-04T10:46:00.002-07:00

It's that wonderful time of the year - yes it's Christmas time. What a joy it is to celebrate the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ. I think of the difficult time it must of been for Mary and Joseph to go all that way to pay their taxes. Then the time coming for Mary to deliver Jesus. In a stable no less. Our pictures make it look so lovely but even at their best stables aren't what one might think of a place for a human "baby" to be born in. It is definitely a humble place to be born in and the song that mentions Jesus, once of humble birth. I think of that often and how sweet the birth of a baby is. What a learning process it is for the parents let alone the child. As I look back on our family being born and how much I have learned with each of our children as they have grown up. Sometimes were extremely difficult and sometimes were so sweet and even humbling. I can't believe it has been so many years since we first started on this journey. As each of our daughters came into the world, it was both difficult (as I didn't do anything easily) and it was sweet and beautiful. The joy I felt as each was placed in my arms and how I cried with each of their births. The happiness I felt as I checked them out to be sure they were "perfect". Little did I know they were perfect no matter what imperfections might have been on their bodies.

I guess the Lord knew I would need five children to learn all of the things I needed to learn. Wow had I only known how many children we would have before we were married I wonder if I would have taken the "journey". Having been raised more or less as an only child, I wasn't prepared for the noise or the conflicts that come with children. But neither was I prepared for the joy and happiness that comes with all of that noise and conflict. We only grow as a result of difficulty or difficult times. When these times comes to each of us, it is frightening. We are not prepared for them and therefore we feel unable to handle what may or may not come.

I know without a doubt that our Heavenly Father is there to guide and help us every step of the way, if we but have the faith and trust in Him to do so.

My prayers are with you all as you go through these difficult times of bearing, raising children and the other difficult times that will come your way. Have faith and trust.

Merry Christmas to all.

Grandparents

2010-11-20T13:24:00.003-07:00

Being a grandparent is one of the greatest things in the world, well besides being a Mom or Dad. We have 11 grandchildren and each of them holds such a special place in my heart. We got to spend some quality time with three of our grandchildren this past week and had the opportunity to attend a concert at our granddaughter's school. She plays the viola and it was a joy to watch these young people as they each worked so hard to do their very best to perform. Our granddaughter practices 30 minutes each day four days a week so she doesn't have to bring her instrument home on the weekend. Now isn't that clever? But she doesn't miss practicing because it is important to her to do her best. Her brothers are so full of energy that I wish I could just touch them and get some of it. One grandson couldn't wait to get into 3rd grade so he could learn to write cursive. I was impressed at what a good job he does considering that he's only been in school a few short weeks. The youngest grandson is in kindergarten and is learning how to type. Wow! What kids learn and know today at such young ages is such a surprise to me as grandmother. But the thing that tickled us so much was they met us at the door as we got there and as we were leaving, they were at the window waving at us.

This would be really impressive if it were just one of our daughter's children but all of them do this. What a joy it is to know we are loved and they look forward to our coming. Sadly we don't get to see all of them that much and that makes us so sad as we love each of them so much.

We have two that are into sports and each play soccer and boy are they good. Just so fun to watch them play and see how much they have improved each time. We don't get to see them much as they live a ways away from here.

Then we have four others that live about five hours drive from here and they are delightful also. The two older ones are into "grown" up things but are still happy to see us and will chat with us and that is fun to feel included in their lives. The two younger ones hang around with us constantly when we go there and that is such fun.

We are fortunate to have two living with us right now and it's fun that they like having us around too. Although, I think they feel like we just belong here because the oldest one really doesn't remember living without us. The youngest one is still too young to know any different.

All and all we are so blessed to have all of these lovely grandchildren.

So many Miracles

2010-10-15T01:14:00.003-06:00

My last post I talked a bit about this but my heart is still full about it so here goes. When our youngest daughter gave birth to our little Ashlinn and our daughter had complications, it was so frightening. As I look back in my life I realize how many times I have seen the hand of the Lord right in our family. Each of our daughters as they have gone through difficult times, pregnancy, birthing, surgery, how grateful I was to be able to talk to the Lord about their particular time of difficulty and how much better I felt, although I have to admit that during the time I wished I could do it for them, much easier then watching and feeling so helpless. Our little Ashlinn being the last born and little miracle so far.

Then this past week a dear friend had an aneurysm in his brain and passed away. His wife had passed a little over a year ago. I'm sure she was anxious to have him with her again. They were always such a beautiful couple. As I look back to the birth and now the death it really puts things in perspective.

When our daughters were born I was so thrilled and I worked very hard to do the very best job, I thought I could do to help them be prepared for their lives. They are each such lovely women. Each so different, not only in looks (although if you saw them together, you'd guess they belonged as sisters) but they have gone on and developed such diverse interests and abilities and talents. Now all but one have been blessed to be mothers. They have beautiful, intelligent, talented children. Some are real athletes, some are into the arts and music, some are just learning what they might be interested in for their lives. But our daughters and their husbands have taken these lovely little ones and are teaching them the things they feel they need, to be prepared for their lives. Don't get me wrong, it isn't an easy job, at times it can be the most frustrating time but it is also one of the most rewarding times.

Our daughter that doesn't have any children, has taken a young woman and was her guardian to help her through her life. This young woman was mentally handicapped but to our daughter and to us, she was beyond wonderful. But sadly her time here on the earth has passed and she has joined our Heavenly Father. We all wept for this lovely young woman and for our daughter having to lose her but yet they gave one another so much and so many memories. This daughter is the greatest Aunt to her sister's children and loves each of them beyond her life. She has so much to give and this is the way she has chosen to do some of that. She has done so many things for others and I marvel at how she has taken her life and made it so rich and fulfilling. When we finally get the chance to visit her, she is such a joy because she takes us to new places to see and hear and eat and even to some old ones we have grown fond of. Early on in her life she had some terrible surgery and had to face a difficult time but she has risen above it and made her life even better.

Yes, I am proud of our daughters and what they have done with their lives. Yes, they have had struggles and yes they have made mistakes but they are such wonderful ladies that they have grown from all of that.

Again the circle of life and the miracles we have witnessed in our family is such a humbling thing.

Thank you Father for your willingness to bless our family with so much. For helping each of us make it through this world to accomplish as much as we can. So some day we can return to live with you.

Late Summer Early Fall

2010-09-14T18:47:00.003-06:00

How time is flying by. I look outside and the trees are starting to get some additional color. The apples are turning red our garden is starting to look a little tired and the time is coming for us to prepare for the winter.

I love this time of year, the heat has gone from our days and the nights are still warm enough for our garden. I can leave the windows open most of the day and enjoy it so much.

I guess it is a little like our lives. We are born as in the spring and we grow as in the summer and the fall is our time for having our own families and then the winter is our older years.

As I have said in the past, I am so blessed. I have a wonderful husband, who is patient, kind and loving. We are enjoying our late summer early fall years. We so enjoy our children and grandchildren and as we watch each of them changing and growing. It makes us realize how much has changed and how much we have grown in our lives. Thank you Lord for my life.

Life

2010-08-29T16:08:00.002-06:00

I have put off writing about this for a while because it is so close to my heart. A week ago this last Friday, August 20, 2010 our youngest daughter Kristie gave birth to a long awaited little girl. This "little" girl was quite big, 8lbs 13 oz and 21 inches long so this gave her Mom a bit of a problem. Kristie was unable to deliver her except by C section. This was all well and good and after a very long day everyone was thrilled to see this new little member to our family, Ashlinn Mary. After much cooing and ooing we left to go home. When we got home my husband and I called it day and had "cereal" for dinner and settled down for the evening.

A short time later the phone rang and it was Kristie's husband telling us she was taken back into the OR for surgery. We threw on our clothes and headed back to the hospital. I called her sisters and my Mom to tell them and ask them to all pray for her. I must admit I wasn't worth much at that point. My baby was seriously in trouble. It seems she had a blood clot that had stopped her body from doing what it should after a birth. She was bleeding beyond what she should have been. After hearing what all happened I realize just how fortunate/blessed we were that her hubby Jared was there with her in her room and went to call for help immediately when they realized how much trouble she was in. The doctors and nurses worked very hard to save our daughter's life. Thank you to everyone that gives so much in their line of work.

This story does have a happy ending, our daughter came back from surgery not looking so great but has since been recovering rapidly. She looks like nothing so serious has happened but we all know. I won't soon forget how very fragile life is. I like so many others takes delivering a baby as "the norm" but it does take a great deal of work on Mom's part whether it be normal way or C section and the outcome can be so tenuous.

I thank my Father in Heaven for this miracle in our lives. For this precious little girl that has come into our extended family.

As I've said before we have 11 grandchildren and each of them are so special and wonderful. Each of them bring joy to our hearts and lives and we give thanks to the Lord for sending them to our family.

I thought having my own kids was difficult - ha - not anywhere as difficult as watching our daughter's give birth.

The difference between "old" people and "young" people

2010-08-10T22:59:00.004-06:00

By old I mean 93 or so and by young I mean under 18. This past week I have had a chance to talk with our grandchildren. They never cease to amaze and surprise me. I love how smart they are and how clever they are. What their interests are and how diverse they all are. Like one Grandson has gotten a red bearded lizard. He has been talking about getting one and he knows all about them and so on and so. He wants this particular one because it is most rare. I told him I thought that was yucky and I was a wussss. He laughed and said I wasn't because I was Grandma to lots of grandsons. What a joy it is to know He thinks I am so fierce and unafraid of anything. Then another grandson asked me how old I was? I told him I was older than dirt. He wasn't sure about that. So I asked him how old was OLD? He thought for a minute and said 100, whooo, I'm not too old yet. So I told him I was 68 and he thought about that and said "oh". I told him I was 61 years older than he is. Well that one did not go over well. It just plain stopped him. Another granddaughter talked to me about her plans for college this fall and her schedule. She is so full of life and joy that it is contagious! What a joy each of our grandchildren are. They are all so interesting, they have very interesting personalities and joy for life. Of course, it is expressed in different ways, but none the less expressed. Thank you all.

Now to Old - my Mom is 93 and as you might think, she has started to lose some reasoning powers. I am so sad to see this happen because her mind has been as sharp as a tack. Many times I am now taking the roll of her "mother". That is a strange place to be. All through my life I have measured myself by what my mother has said or done and I have confided in her and she would tell me what she felt should be done. While I have taken a different path from my mom, I still love and respect her. One thing she has adopted in her later years and especially as her hearing and eye sight have been getting tired and not working like she'd like, she has started to laugh at everything - practically. I know some of it to cover up her not hearing but others is to cover up what she thinks.

Our lives are very diverse one from another of us - our families are different from how we've been raised. When husband and wife come together and form the beginning of a family and then children start to come. You bring certain traits from each of your own growing up families and convert them into this new family. Then you find new things you would like added. I find this so interesting, how we bring the best things from what we were raised with and add new and better ways of doing things. I love this. Each generation grows up and beyond the last one. Yes, the Old families (our growing up family) still have good things and bring many wonderful memories but the new families bring growth and love and joy and happiness and even a little sadness as the young ones grow up and out of the nest.

One thing each of these groups of people have in common the younger group are looking forward with so much expectation and the older group is looking forward to another place in their eternal progression and sometimes just as eagerly as the young ones are looking.

What a joy it is to be right here where I am. I learn and grow along with our children and grandchildren.

Family-together

2010-06-06T19:20:00.003-06:00

Today is the end/beginning of the week. Our family has had quite a week this past week. Each of our daughters have had "one" of those weeks that we pray do not happen often. But Saturday made it all worth while. Four of our five daughters and their families were here to support two of our grandchildren when they were baptized. What a joy it was for Glen and I to have them all here and see how our family has grown. They are so darn cute together. That's our grown children and their spouses and their children. It's like they have so little time when they are all together that no one seems to argue or have sour faces. Everyone is giggling, talking, laughing, teasing and beaming (as when the two, Hanae and Graeme were baptized). The two little ones were so serious and cute when they were sitting there listening to the talks that were given and to the Bishop while he was talking to them. Afterward, the two that were baptized sit next to each other and shared a song book so they could sing the closing song. Which I'm sure they both know by heart, I Am A Child of God. I love watching all of our grandchildren, the older ones included and realize how innocent and beautiful they are both inside and out. They are truly Children of God.

Thank you for this day and for the blessing we have of having a family that are all trying to be good, kind and decent human beings.

Family

2010-04-07T12:18:00.002-06:00

I have been on this earth close to 68 years. I thought I knew everything when I was younger and as I grew older (20s) I was still sure I knew everything but of course, that has to come to a close sometime in your life - like when your children reach teens years.

Then comes adult years and as I have watched my children mature and become parents themselves I see many things I did when I was first a parent but I also see many things they have improved on. They teach their children more indepth about so many things, why we really celebrate Easter, about Christ's birth and death. They play with their children, like go skiing, playing in the water, water skiing, going to the zoos, animal parks. They have fun with their children much more than we did and that's good. As I look back from when I was a child, I hopefully improved on how I was taught and now our children are improving on how they were taught. This makes me so happy to see my children as they are women and mothers and what they do and have done.

I just wish they had worked out their problems with each other a bit sooner. Because of the turmoil when I was raised I don't deal with it very well at this point in my life. I want my children to love one another and see the good in each other but most of all I want my children to see the good in themselves. All of them are wonderful women and I'm proud to say they are my daughters. Each of them have wonderful qualities and talents and they are expanding on these qualities and talents in their own ways.

I have been blessed with a wonderful husband, five wonderful daughters, 4 wonderful sons (by adoption through marriage) and 10 grandchildren plus one more on the way and I give thanks each and every day. I pray that each of them will find the peace and love they need and that they will find their way. I love each of you.

Birthdays/Marriage

2010-02-16T22:29:00.005-07:00

Today was my husband's 72nd birthday. Wow, and to think we started dating when he was 24 and I was 20. How time flies when you're having fun. I look into the mirror and realize I am getting older but at the same time I also feel like I did when I was younger. Perhaps not as energetic but the feelings are still the same. I look at this man that has been my husband for over 46 years, soon to be 47 and I can't imagine my life without him. He is indeed the wind beneath my wings. He sees me as I am and still loves me for all of my imperfections. I realized today, I feel the same way about him. I see a string on his shirt or his hair has blown away from what he likes and I have to fix it for him. I want everyone to know this man that has been such a pillar in my life.

We dated for over a year before we went off to school and then the spring of that year of school he proposed to me so we became engaged. We continued dating long distant for the next year until he graduated from BYU. We had known each other since we were in elementary school. Although, my memories of this older "boy" really aren't very clear. About all I remember was that he teased me. When I really got to know him was when he got home from his mission and we lived very close at that time and I was in the youth group and he was going to show pictures and tell about his mission. All of us girls went to all of these, they were fun and besides, guess we were auditioning our husbands to be - to find the right one. My first real knowledge of when we were "older" and met again was at a dance at the church. He had just returned from his mission. He asked me to dance and I loved it. He is a VERY good dancer and we had such fun. It just got better from there. I had graduated from high school the spring a year before and was looking to go onto college. I was thinking of going up to Logan USU but Glen talked me into going down to BYU. AS I said, in the spring of that school year Glen proposed to me and then he would continue school and I would work, according to my Mother I had to work and get my china, silver and crystal so I was ready for marriage. I stayed home that year and worked very hard and yes I got all the things I was expected to get. Glen, made trips home almost every weekend or at least as much as he could. We planned on getting married right after he graduated, which would happen in the spring of that very long year. He graduated one week and the next weekend, Friday, June 7, 1963 we got married in the Salt Lake City LDS Temple. It's seems like yesterday, I can tell you what time I got up to get ready to drive down to the temple, 4:00 A.M. because there was not a freeway back then. Glen came by to pick me up, because my parents hadn't been married in the temple and neither of them had taken out their endowments so my wedding was a little lonely for me, Glen, his parents, two of his brothers, the Bishop and his wife from my home ward were all that was there. I remember I cried all the way through the ceremony. I was so happy and yet a bit sad but I knew that this was the "right" way to be married so I struck out on my own. There was no one from my immediate family, parents, grandparents or ever cousins had gone through the temple, so this was sad but I was so happy with this man that had chosen me, I cried tears of joy. It felt so right to be there in the temple with him promising to be his wife for time and all eternity. I know my Heavenly Father was there with me all of the way because I felt warm and safe in the knowledge I was doing the right thing.

I realize as I look back, how little knowledge I had about the gospel and our Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ. But the Lord had blessed me with a testimony that I knew this was where I needed to be. His spirit had blessed me so many times as I grew up, many times when I really didn't know that was what it was. My knowledge has grown 100 times and I have been given many opportunities to grow and become what my Heaven Father knew I could do and become.

He blessed both Glen and I with so much, we have been given (as I have mentioned so many times here) five beautiful daughters and since then four wonderful sons and 10 grandchildren. What more could a person ask for? We have been blessed to be close to these grandchildren as much as we possibly could. We have traveled much and enjoyed and learned so much. We've had the privileged of watching our children as they become wonderful parents. Learning from their children as we had learned from ours.

Thank you Father, for this wonderful man, whose 72nd birthday is today, I wish his parents were still here and I would tell them thank you for raising such a wonderful man. I love him so much and will forever. The only dream I've had for our children was that they could marry and find someone that loved them as much as their father loved me and they would love that person as much as I had loved their father. I know when you both feel this way, you can handle any of life's problems and of course there are always problems. We all have different ones but when you have built your marriage on that kind of love - the rest will work itself out.

The result is one day you stop and realize while you were living your life it flew by you and here you are having been married over 46 years. That sounds like a long time, I am so surprised the first time I realized it had been that long. Where did the time go?

HAPPY NEW YEAR

2010-01-01T11:42:00.002-07:00

As I look back over the past year I realize how much can be packed into one small 12 month period. When you look forward that seems like a long time but looking back you realize, it really isn't.

We've had so many wonderful things happen to us and our family. And we've had some not so great things as all of you have. I'm grateful for the love we share, my hubby and I and our children, their spouses and their children. How time flies when you don't notice. Our oldest grandchild will graduate this spring. Wow, where did the time go? Just yesterday it seems she was born and now she's 17 and looking forward to her wonderful life out of the younger grades of her education. Then on Christmas Day we were given another gift of sorts. Our youngest daughter and her hubby are going to have a baby in August which is the birth month of our oldest grandchild. Now both of these births are miracles but to us this one carries a different type of miracle. Their little boy that is 20 months old was created by another set of parents but he came to us as a miracle of many prayers and he brought much happiness to see how much he is like his parents, Kristie and Jared. They adopted Cooper because after six years they just hadn't been able to have their own baby --- well now they can.

I look back on what I have just written and realize just how much each of our grandchildren mean to us and how each of them are a miracle to us. We have been so blessed by first our children and then their marriages to fine men and then the birth of their babies --- our grandbabies. What joy they have each brought into our family of which Glen and I started 47 1/2 years ago. In December of that first year, I realized I was pregnant with our first child. Now in December, we found out our youngest child is having our 11th grandchild.

On January 22nd my Mom will be 93 years old and that is a miracle. I wonder if she realized so many years ago when she was pregnant with me what all she was starting?? I doubt it. My step-brother and I both had five children each, giving my Mom 10 grandchildren, now she has 23 great grandchildren and four great, great grandchildren. Wow, just think!

I hope this finds each of you well and that this New Year holds much joy and happiness for you.

Thanksgiving survival

2009-11-30T12:47:00.002-07:00

It seems Thanksgiving is a time when our family gets together every other year, for the kids and then of course, everyone else, to get sick. We had such fun but some of the parents had to take time out to be with their kids and then themselves to take care of the "sickies". Just doesn't seem fair. It got me to thinking about when our kids were young and what all happened.

First, we didn't have to travel for several hours or many hours to get to "Grandma's house". We lived within 8 miles of both Grandparent's homes. Yes, I can see our lives where much simpler than our children and their families are now. One daughter and her hubby and kids live over 17 hours from here. Another daughter, hubby and kids live five hours from here. The next daughter, hubby and kids live about an hour from here. Yes, our lives were much "easier" for sure.

Just so everyone knows I/We really appreciate the sacrifices these families made to come for the holiday. It was fun listening to the girls chat back and forth to each other and to watch the cousins playing and chatting with one another.

Glen and I have the opportunity to visit with our children and their families usually once or twice a year but the siblings don't. They do talk on the phone a lot to each other but to be together face to face is such a rare occasion.

To catch everyone up on the dinner in our garage, it turned out great. The food tasted good, I can say that because I didn't fix it all. The tables turned out looking pretty good and it wasn't even cold. Great Grandma got to sit right in front of the heater to be sure she didn't get cold. For the rest of us, it was very pleasant.

Life today is so much different than when I was a child or our children were young. We lived close to family so we were able to attend many different celebrations. We got to see our siblings and families often. I really appreciate the effort that went into preparing for the holiday both food wise and travel wise. Thank you to our children, their spouses and grandchildren. Remember you are all loved and to Nicole we missed you so much. I guess this is what we have to expect will happen more often as our grandchildren grow older and test their wings getting ready to leave their nests.

Thanksgiving

2009-11-11T15:12:00.002-07:00

Where has all of the time gone, it is almost Thanksgiving and I am so excited. We are going to have most of our children and their families here. One daughter, Pam, won't be able to make it and I am sad for that as she hasn't been here when everyone has been since Kristie got married. This year I understand one granddaughter won't be able to come, Nicole, and that makes me so sad to think she is so grown up that now she has a job and can't be off. We shall surely miss her. We get the opportunity to visit with our children individually but to have four families of them together is such a treat. Wow, how exciting they are willing to make this trip - some very far away to come here.

This year all of the girls are taking so much on to fix for our dinner, I'm just not used to having so much help. Wow is this exciting! We've had years when they would each bring something but this is the first time so much of the meal is being handled by our girls. Thank you, I so appreciate you all stepping in and doing so much. It seems like my body just doesn't want to work like it has in the past.

Can you imagine this we are eating in our garage? Yep, that's right and I'm excited about that. We are borrowing tables and chairs from a friend that does weddings so the tables are large and we can sit eight to a table. We will probably have around 20-22. I've got decorations all figured out, along with table cloths etc. Our garage is all carpeted and we have an electric heater that we can put out there if it's especially cold.

Our daughters have come up with games and such for the little ones to play with to keep them happy and we hope they can go outside for a bit to run some of their energy off.

I love listening to our daughters talk and laugh about this and that. This is such a joy to have this many of our posterity here that we hardly can contain ourselves. Oh and we'll also have a friend of Kristie and Jared and my Mom and brother coming. Glen hasn't invited his brother so he may come also. I love having so many here, I subscribe to the thought - no one should be alone on this day. Why it's a day to give thanks for family and friends alike.

Thank you Lord for the many blessings you have given to Glen and I, for our family and the joy they bring into our lives.

Girls/Boys - which is the one for your family?

2009-09-24T00:34:00.005-06:00

I have been thinking today about our children. After my husband and I were first married I had this dream that we would have all boys - he has all brothers as do I. I guess that was alright but I wanted a daughter. Oh well, I thought. After we got pregnant with our first child and we didn't have the opportunity to learn early before they were born what sex this child would be. That was o.k. because we would love him/her anyway. Well she arrived and there was our daughter. Yea, I got my daughter!

Three years later I was expecting our second child and my husband decided that he needed to be more pro-active. So I was told to think boy, Glen my husband named him in my tummy "Butch" when he talked to him etc. (Back then when we had our babies the fathers stayed in the waiting room to hear what and how things went in delivery.) When the doctor delivered our second child and he told me she was a "she" I started to cry. Boy was he upset with me, why this baby is beautiful, healthy, has all her fingers and toes and it perfect in every way. Well they gave me the phone so I could talk to Glen and tell him our news. When I told him it was a girl, again I started to cry. Now I must admit I wasn't all that upset except my husband wanted a son so badly. My heart was broken for him, he had tried so hard to convince everyone it was a boy. But of course when he saw his daughter, he was just as happy as he had been with the first one. She was beautiful, she had all her fingers and toes, she was healthy, what more could we ask?

Another three years went by and sure enough I found myself pregnant again. My husband being the wise and careful husband he was, didn't say a word about this being a boy. So when our daughter # 3 was born he was very happy as was I. We were specializing in girls and I was thrilled. I think by now Glen realized how much fun girls are especially with their Daddy's. I mean the sun rose and set around Glen and that was o.k. with him.

Well after two years we found ourselves pregnant again and this baby was also a girl. She especially made all of the pain seem so trivial when they took me to ICU after she was born. I had to wait there for the pediatrician. I wasn't too concerned because I was so drugged I don't think I realized what was happening. Well our regular doctor wasn't able to come so his associate came. He started to explain how her naval had a hernia but that could be fixed and it was not as bad as it really looked ( it really was ugly and when people saw it they freaked out, now that concerned me because I didn't want anyone freaking out when they saw our beautiful daughter so after one year we found a surgeon that put it all back in and made her the most beautiful "belly button" and we have told her she is so lucky to have that special button - no one else in the world has one like hers. But I digress, also the pediatrician told us that one of her feet had gotten caught and wasn't able to move around so it was turned one way and would need some special care down the road. All along he talked so encouragingly assuring us that everything could be fixed. Even in my drugged state, I knew without a doubt that these little things could be taken care and she would be great.

This time we waited five years, in fact we thought we were through having children. But the Lord had another one waiting in the wings to come down. Glen kept saying he felt there was one more up there waiting for us. To our surprise this little girl caboose came along. I was terrified to have another baby because with the last one I had such a difficult time delivering her but I was given a blessing that I would be able to endure and bring into this world a lovely child. Of course, I had a blessing before delivering each daughter and I know the Lord blessed us beyond our hopes and dreams. Thank you. Daughter #5 out did her sisters in the length of time it took to deliver her - since she's been here I've come to the realization that she is like her Dad and didn't want to make a decision about coming then or later??????

Today was our #4 Daughter's birthday. She is all grown up now with her own family - She's married to a great guy and they have one girl and two boys. Happy Birthday Steph!!

I think back to when we got married and wonder where all of the time has gone. I mean we are the parents of five daughters, 10 grandchildren, six boys and four girls. Our little posterity is a joy to us and we give thanks to our Heavenly Father for all of the blessings he has given to us. We don't get to see all of our children all of the time but we're lucky enough to be able to at least talk to them on the phone and sometimes Skype. As we look at each of the husbands the girls have chosen, my thoughts have been - wow how did we luck out to find four such great men to join our family. They are all as different as night and day but also alike in may ways. I give thanks for them also.

So back to my title - which is best for your family? For our family it is definitely girls, each one of them are so different and even look different. You might say well you got slighted by not having sons, oh don't think that, we have four wonderful sons that are married to our daughters and six wonderful grandsons also. And thankfully we didn't get slighted in the granddaughter department either. They are all as great as their syblings/cousins. Thank you Lord for giving to Glen and I the best children we could have asked for. They are all just perfect for us and our family. We love them more than life.

Memories, Sorrow, Love, Togetherness

2009-09-11T06:57:00.002-06:00

It's 9-11 again and as usual I remember exactly where I was and how I felt. I would never have imagined I could feel such pain for people I had never met or places I had never been. But my heartache was palatable, I felt like I could taste the smoke, the despair, the pain (at least a tiny bit of it). I was working for Senator Bennett at the time and when I got to work I was told they were closing the office. I left work and walk around the park and all over Ogden, not really thinking about where I was. I think I was in a state of shock ( at least a small one). I don't mean to demean the things the people who really experience those heinousness things. But my hurt was real and I couldn't imagine why someone could do this to others they did not know (and themselves for that fact) just to prove a point.

I know I have led a very sheltered life but to inflict this type of horror and pain on others intentionally was unthinkable to me then and it is now. I have no concept of that kind of hate. Thank Goodness!

To those who endured such horror, pain and lingering problems I bow to you and say my heart still aches for you and yours, to those who died on that terrible day my tears are ones of relief that it is over for you and you do not have to endure that again. What so many of you did trying to save one another, and others, I am so in awe of you and you shall always be my heros.

And today to those who spend their time putting up flags to honor all of you I give my thanks. I shall take this day to remember, cry for the pain and the memories, and rejoice for the coming together we saw our nation do after this. We need to remember how important our country is to us and what we have here, and be proud to be an American. I know I am.

Gratefullness

2009-08-08T06:50:00.003-06:00

My daughter posted recently about the things that she is grateful for and it started me to thinking how very fortunate I am. So here goes: I'm grateful for my wonderful hubby who puts up with me and loves me besides. I'm grateful for modern medicine and the advancements they have made. I'm grateful for my five wonderful daughters and their husbands. Each is so different and yet they have so much in common. I'm grateful for our 10 grandchildren. What a joy they are to me and they bring such happiness to watch them grow up. I'm grateful that my Mom is still alive. There have been times when I haven't always felt this way as the burden has been heavy but I do love her and as I grow older I realize how much she has done and continues to do for me. I'm grateful for friends old and new. How precious life is. I'm grateful for the changes in the weather and the beauty here where we live. I'm grateful for green beans, corn on the cob (in season) for squash, tomatoes, raspberries, and being able to pick most of these from our garden or pick them up from farmers here in our area. I'm grateful there are still farmers out there that work so hard to bring to us these yummy things. Oh and yes, I'm grateful for "hand and foot". It works my brain and I love it!

Life

2009-08-04T14:31:00.002-06:00

Today a dear friend found life to be to difficult to deal with any longer and my heart is breaking for the hurt and pain she is enduring. My dear friend you are in my prayers that your heart and soul can find peace and endure the heart ache that seems to follow you everywhere. Life is never easy but for some out there life is in deed very unfair. Each of us find our lives difficult at times but to others that have lived in the darkest of places these times become so dark that life doesn't seem to be worth it.

Please stop and think about all of the love that is directed your way today and always. First, your Heavenly Father loves you more than anything and He knows the pain you are enduring so let Him help you, He can take it and lift it off your shoulders. Second, there are so many of us that love you for your sweetness, kindness and willingness to do for others. You have given so much and it is time you allow others to give back to you. While we cannot take your pain away we are very willing to stop and listen to you share your heartache. Those that inflected that pain onto you will never be away from the part they played and will have to face the Lord Himself.

Remember, you are innocent and deserve so much, you are worth so much! You have so much to still do and give to others. For one thing, the knowledge of what you have endured and the strength you have gained (and you have gained much strength or you wouldn't have made it this far) would help others to face things. I only wish I could be of help to you now in one of your darkest moments. I hope you can feel my arms around you giving to you the love that you need at this time.

Talk to the Lord and He will help you to overcome this ugliness and find the peace you so richly deserve. All my love my friend.

Listening

2009-07-14T15:28:00.002-06:00

Throughout the years I have tried to "listen" to the promptings I received from our Heavenly Father but this last one was real. Just before Sue and Hanae left for Arizona I had this feeling Glen should go with her and help her drive but I ignored it. After she left, Glen and I were talking and he said he had the same thought come to him. Well we talked about a minute or so and decided since we'd both gotten the same message he should go. Sue and Hanae were staying with Nan in St. George so we got Glen a ticket to fly down there and meet Sue and drive the rest of the way home with her.

Neither of us knew why we'd gotten that message but we listened - thank goodness!!! They left Thursday morning early and stopped at Mc Donalds for breakfast. Then they headed on their way to Sierra Vista. Lunch time came around and they were again around a Mc Donalds - that is Hanae's favorite place to eat. They stopped and got lunch. Well about an hour later Sue had these unbelievable pains. They were not sure what was wrong finally she felt the need for a rest room and they had to drive 15 miles or so give or take some miles to find one. After a while they got back into the car and again headed to Sierra Vista. Sue was in such pain she could hardly stand the movement in the care let alone any bumps. They finally got her home and she rested and started to feel a bit better later that evening. By the next day she was doing much better. We came to the conclusion because she had been watching her diet and had not had that much grease in the same day that it had hit her really hard. She got back onto watching what she ate and is doing much better.

Thank you Lord for giving us the push to do the right thing for her, I'm not sure what she would have done without help. Hanae sure couldn't be of help to her and Sue would have been out in the middle of no where with no help in sight.

You know there are times in our life when we receive these great promptings and if we listen sometimes we are not sure why they have come but others we see up close and personal why. I am so grateful to a loving Father who saw fit to warn us to take action before we knew why and that we listened.

Visits

2009-07-09T09:45:00.003-06:00

What a wonderful time it is - summer when family comes to visit. But it is very sad when they leave. I love having our "children" and their families come to visit but when it's time for them to leave and I know we won't see them for a long time - it is very difficult. How I wish they could all live a bit closer - say Logan (we already have one there why not several) or Clinton or Salt Lake. I know you get the drift. I do understand they have their own lives and have to follow their dreams and destiny but that doesn't make it any easier.

We spend years raising these children and then they grow up and think they can just leave us and go their ways, which of course they do.

As we are getting older I find it more difficult to have them so far away. Pretty soon we won't be able to travel like we've been blessed to do and I wonder if we'll ever see them again. I know that is pretty dramatic. But today it feels that way. Sue, Hanae and Nik were here to visit and first we lost Nik to go home so he could go to scout camp (I can understand why he'd want to do that) and now Sue and Hanae have left. For some reason they feel like they have to go home to see "Daddy". Now if we could only get him to come then all would be good.

Thank goodness we have two "children" that have chosen to be close to home - at least for now. I am so grateful they are close enough to be able to see them for special times and to just enjoy them anytime.

Sometimes I wonder if we have either made our children way to independent or if we've made them so glad to just get away from us. Well, which ever it is they are where they are and that is it.

I do love our family so much and give thanks each day for the blessings they bring into our lives.

Anniversary

2009-06-03T11:17:00.002-06:00

I finally have to take the plunge and blog without pictures. I keep saying I'm going to download the pictures from my camera, as you can see, haven't quite got that done yet. The reason, I need help from Glen and we never seem to get it together at the same time. Oh well.

But back to topic, I can't believe it's been 46 years since we went to the Salt Lake City LDS temple to be married. I look at all of my girls and can't believe they are MY daughters - why I can't be that old to have five daughters and 10 grandchildren - where did the time go?? Help!! But at the same time I look at our family and give thanks for the many blessings they have brought into my/our lives. Yes, we have had difficult times and even sad times but at the same time we have had glorious times. As I have watched our children grow I have grown and so enjoyed at what they have accomplished with their lives. I am so proud (can I say that?) of all of them. They have taken in the good, the bad and the ugly to make their lives become something special, I am so glad I have been here to see.

Yes, they have problems - who doesn't - but they have taken all of the things around them and made them work. I'm not saying it has been easy for them but they have stayed firm and come out winners. I look at our four sons that we have gotten in the bargain and I'm so grateful for each one of them. They are so unique and individual and special. I love them as though I had given birth to them and just think I didn't have to - I got a bargain! I thank the Lord each day for all of our children and grandchildren. And I thank the Lord for my life and the things we have been through - some not so great but they made us who we are today. The problems have made my patience grow, my love grow more than I could have known and the love between Glen and I has grown and I thought I knew what love was when we got married - silly girl I was.

Thank you for the 46 years my dear husband. How grateful I am for you and your patience and love. I truly know what a helpmate is now - thank you for teaching me so much - I look forward to the next many years. Love you my dearest!

Memorial Day

2009-05-25T19:31:00.003-06:00

Just a note to thank everyone who has served in the military. I was raised with patriotism in my life. We were taught in school and at home to honor those who have been in the military and those who have given their lives for each of us so we might have freedom here in our nation.

I remember the fear of communism, I remember the fear of not having our freedom to choose what and how we would live our lives but especially I remember 911. How much I honor those even though they did not fight in a war, they gave their lives. Of course, there where those who were in military that were also lost at the Pentagon.

I worked at HAFB and I remember the thrill of hearing the Star Spangled Banner played each morning and seeing the men and women stand to attention each morning and evening when the flag was raised and lowered. Of pledging allegiance to our flag and country and also hearing prayer said before each and every meeting we attended.

I am proud to be an American and I give thanks each and every day that I was born here in this country and have been taught the value of life and liberty. That I value life, both mine and those around me. That I believe others have the right to think how they like, even if I don't agree.

Thank you for my freedoms!

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T20:59:00.002-06:00

It has certainly been a lovely day today for me and I hope for all of you. We had two of our five daughters and their families here to enjoy a family picnic and each other. It was a lovely time and then I got to talk on the phone to the other three daughters. Yes, I am very fortunate to have these great women as my daughters.

I look back when they were children and I was feeling tired and rushing around all of the time, little did I realize how fun it would be to reach "old" age and watch our daughters with their families and what supper Mom's they would be. No I don't take credit for that they have done a lot on their own. I see their struggles but also I see their strengths and the fine women they are.

In many ways they have so much in common and in others they are so different. I see their kindness, loving, compassionate and willingness to serve others.

Thank you Lord for giving these fine spirits to my care and now for the opportunity I have to watch them raise their own children.

Love to you all on this Mother's Day.

It happened again

2009-04-09T01:35:00.003-06:00

Well we got a surprise again. You'd think we'd get used to these kids doing this to us. They have done this every time they are coming to visit and they say well we'll give you a call when we leave so you will have an idea when we will be there. Kristie and Jared told us they were not going t6o be able to come until two weeks from the first of April. Well as you know we have plans to leave next week to go down to Arizona. We felt really badly because Little Cooper's b-day is this coming Friday and we wouldn't be there for his first b-day. Oh well we thought we can celebrate later. Guess not? Yea! Got a phone call from Kristie tonight and she asked what time we go to bed. Still I was in a "fog" about what sh was talking about and it didn't help that she kept loosing her connection because she was driving - do errands was what she told me. Well they made it here around 10:30 or so. We ran out and picked up some formula for Cooper so they wouldn't have to stop and they beat us back here. Those stinkers!! Yes we were so happy just the same but wow.
Then they just were getting settled in for the night and even Cooper had gone to sleep and they realized as they walked across the floor in the room they are in and out in the family room there was water all over. Ever since we moved here 30 years ago and it was a new home we haven't had these kind of problems -- no one had lived here and worked out all of the little problems that arise in a new home. The first winter this problem arose and Glen worked very hard trying to find it and then fix it and he did a great job and it worked great ----- until now!! Since we've pulled out those bushes out front -- I guess it made it possible for that darn rain -- that came down several times like cats and dogs just found it's way down the wall and into the wind well. What a mess. Tomorrow it will be fix it up day again. That is after we take Grandma to the doctor and then head up to baby animals days to be with Steph, Brian, Chloe, Graeme and Kai to enjoy all of those little babies.

Keep your fingers crossed it won't rain until after it is fixed. Well sleep well dear ones!!

Making Life better by what we do and think

2009-03-31T22:09:00.004-06:00

I was watching it snow again for the last several days. Oh how exciting. One good thing about it, it melts quickly and usually doesn't stick to the roads. But what happened to our lovely 50s, 60s, and even 70s? I know it will come again but oh how sweet that sounds - again sometime.

I have been having a difficult time the last few days - not feeling so great with lots of pain and such. So I finally listened to my Daughter Sue and went on line and looked up the symptoms of fibermylagia. One of the triggers so to speak is "stress". Boy doesn't that get a lot of blame? Anyway, I'm waiting to hear when I can get into a doctor that is suppose to tell me what is wrong. All the tests I've taken so far have turned out negative. Sure doesn't help the lady feeling yucky.

Well anyway, today I went to get my nails done and the gal that does them is the happiest lady I know. She is so pleasant and is so calming. After I spent that hour with her I felt so much better and was determined not to let this get the best of me. It seems I have so many auto immune diseases that one more shouldn't bother me BUT it does. I know that positive thinking and taking care of one's self are major and also learning to sit limits. That one I am working on.

Taking a point from another Daughter, Steph - listing the things I'm grateful:

I am grateful for people that care
The love of my family
The love of my husband (what would I do without him?)
The love of my Heavenly Father
The love of my grandchildren
For my Mom - who tries to love me

Thank you Lord for everything

Spring Continued

2009-03-23T06:09:00.009-06:00

Some pictures of Glen's hard yard work out front.

Maybe one day I'll get the hang of how to arrange pictures and text but at least you can get an idea.

Don't they look so different?

Now to the unveiling - clean, clean, clean. Now what out front? Any suggestions?

Spring

2009-03-18T19:21:00.000-06:00

This last few days have been so lovely just plain wonderful. It's spring and we are loving it. Glen has been very busy taking out bushes in the front of our home. The tall pine and the small ones by the drive way are no more. He was able to pull them out with his truck pretty easy. Although if you check out his arms and hands he looks like he's been to war, I guess in a way he has with the bushes. They have little roots but are they ever heavy. They still have the moisture they collected during the winter months still in the roots.

He had trouble getting the job done because of all of the people driving by - they all stopped to see what was happening and wanting to chat. Aren't neighbors great! A couple guys one from next door and a guy that was from around the block came by and helped clean up yesterday. Glen filled his truck but there was still a lot left to go to the dump. He took the truck (BIG load) this morning and has been working on the stump and limbs left but that will be for another day.

Now we can see when we drive out of our driveway. Yea!! No more worrying we'll hit a child or adult for that matter or even a car that appears all of a sudden because we couldn't see them coming.

I was afraid it would look really bare but to be honest it looks just great without them there. We are going to plant grass - make taking care of our yard much easier. The flowers along the drive way are going also. Just plain Jane house now. The pine and small pine by the front are also on the agenda to go too. Mostly these are getting the ax because they have over grown the area they are in and are threatening our roof.

Change is good and as long as we go along with it - life is good. But when we develop a "mule" brain it becomes very difficult to deal.

I love seeing the flowers coming out this time of year especially. Saw some crocus Tuesday morning that were in a ladies yard - yellow, purple, white and pink. They are just so breath taking this time of year after all of the winter snow and cold winds.

Also, we have some of our garden planted. Peas, radishes, red beets, parsnips, and lettuce. Now to wait for the growing to happen!

Isn't Spring great?

Merry Christmas

2009-02-10T05:32:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know that season has passed but if you looked out our window yesterday morning when we got up, you might have had that feeling - that it was Christmas morning. It had snowed several inches over night and was still snowing very heavily.

Hubby waited until he thought most of the storm was passed and went outside to attempt to find our driveway and walks. He figured we had around a foot of new snow. The lovely thing about new snow is how clean and beautiful it leaves the earth right after it has fallen.

As I usually do on wintry and cold days I fixed soup, chicken noodle . My Mom is 92 so we decided to take up some to her and to check on her. We also picked up some rolls and pineapple. She seemed to be thrilled to have food she didn't have to prepare. Her body is getting old and worn out and this woman who has always been an extremely determined, perfected (or at least she tried to have perfection in everything she did) human being is getting discouraged. I guess I have always been a little intimidated by her - if nothing else than by the way she accomplished things - to the best of her ability. As I look at myself I realize I many times have been the type of person that is willing to go by the seat of my pants and call it o.k.!

Many times we women have problems with our "Mothers". I think, at least in my case, it is because I always felt I couldn't do thing as good as she has always done and maybe I found I didn't always want to. i.e., cleaning her house - a passion. Her cooking and trying new things and cooking old favorites with the same level of competency that chefs proceed with. Yes, I can see she has faults but when you grow up around such a person - you can either rebel or try to not be seen or maybe a little of both. I guess my rebellion was being out there showing off how "cute" I was. Not that I'm saying I was "cute" just that I was using that as a crutch.

Our Mothers are usually how we measure ourselves either for good or bad. My Mom has really set the scale high for me to reach. In many ways I won't even try to reach her level but in other ways I would hope I can come fairly close to the good example she has sit for me. My Mom only had one daughter and I have been blessed with five wonderful daughters. Each one of them are as different as night and day and yet they have many things in common. They are so concerned about others - some more than others but if push came to shove, all of them would step up to the bat and help you out to the best of their abilities.

I love our daughters so much and their husbands are all jewels. I see why each of them choose the guy they did for themselves. They fit extremely well together. And our grandchildren are so great. Yes, I do think they are pretty much wonderful and I hope they realize that.

Anyway, back to the original - Merry Christmas -- the feelings that I have rambled on about are ones that I associate with the Christmas season. I wish they were there year round but let's face it life has a bad habit of taking over our lives and we allow it to take some of these things from us. Just so you know, I am not crazy and my calendar is working just fine and I do realize it's February 10, 2009. Guess the next thing is HAPPY NEW YEAR.

Reason

2008-12-20T06:41:00.000-07:00

Now I know you are wondering why on earth I titled this "Reason" but hold on I'll explain. Like all of you we have been rushing around trying to get caught up on gift buying, making candy, running Mom, decorating, etc.

Last night we finally put up our nativity scene. Now it seems like Christmas! We have put the reason back into the season and everything else will fall into line. It is amazing if we just take a minute and put our priorities in the right order our lives seem to take hold and we can manage them again.

I am grateful for the joy of this season and the love that comes from those near and far, so Merry Christmas everyone.

Christmas

2008-12-09T23:17:00.000-07:00

Wow, where has the time gone? I haven't even gotten our newsletter done or the cards addressed. No candy, cookies or other goodies made. All the shopping is not completed and the big scare is the ones that need to be mailed. We have five we need to mail, which is better than other years but still it's so late and we don't even have our shopping for them done. HELP!!!

On the bright side, our kitchen carpet has been cleaned as well as the stairs down to the basement. That's something - don't you think? Our clothes are all washed from the last trip to St. George we just returned from. The outside of our house is all decorated and the living room is also done but the tree and things down stairs are not. So we have some done?

I have been thinking the of things I can "let go" this year and not be reminded about them from our family when they come.

This is a big year, we will be having three of our five children and their families here for Christmas and right after. Our youngest daughter Kristie and her hubby Jared are bringing their little 7 month old, Cooper here and after Christmas they are going to the SLC Temple to have him sealed to them. We are all so excited about this. At first we had hoped most of the children would be able to come but some problems have arose and one has to drop out and the other one was just here a few weeks ago. So we are thankful for our blessings and how great all of our girls their spouses and grandchildren are doing.

Yes, it is a time to remember more important things than all of the rush and bustle that it brings. I give thanks for the birth of my brother Jesus Christ and the life he lived and the example set for us and then His sacrifice on behalf of all of us so we may return back to live with him and our Father in Heaven. What more could any of us ask?

Tomorrow is another day to get LOTS done so here's to tomorrow.

2008-12-01T02:02:00.000-07:00

[img]http://cb.amazingcounters.com/counter.php?i=2448815&c=7346758[/img]
[url=http://www.amazingcounter.com]web page visitor stats[/url] Sponsor: [url=http://www.smartdiets.info/coupons/]Nutrisystem[/url] [url=http://www.smartdiets.info/coupons/nutrisystem.html]Weight Loss[/url]

Nutrisystem Weight Loss

Thanksgiving

2008-11-24T21:15:00.000-07:00

I wish I could say I was the "old" fashioned kind of Mom, Grandmother that fixed the Thanksgiving turkey on the day we celebrate BUT I can't. I have found through out the years that I can fix as much as possible before hand and then I enjoy the day so much more. Yes, I know it's bad of me to want to have fun too. But I find the turkey isn't half bad warmed after being thawed and the dressing always tastes the same and the candied yams don't seem any different but my Mom and Glen's Mom always did the work the day of. So to them I bow down and say I take my hat off to you ladies for your fortitude and wiliness to do what is needed to accomplish the "deed".

I remember the history stories of the first pioneers and the Indians that worked to make this a great day of thankfulness and I feel they would somehow understand. Of course, their meal was much more simple than we have come to expect with ours.

I do give thanks for all that we have been given and for the very fact that we have food to cook and eat and that we have some family close by that we can share it with. I give thanks for my wonderful family even though most of them are not around here, I know they remember the fun times we have enjoyed this time of year and wish we could all be together but our modern day makes this so difficult but at the same time we can talk on the phone and even talk on Skype and see one another. Where as there were times in the past that people when they left home never saw family members again.

All I have to do is look around and I can see just how much I have to be grateful for. I love the Lord and give Him thanks for all he does for me and my family and for the fact that we are able to communicate and love one another.

I do wish each of you a very HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

2008-11-19T09:41:00.000-07:00

I received this award and thank you to Sue for it. I am sending this to:

Sue@My Musings@blogspot.com
Skipper@Little Bright Boat@blogspot.com
Kristie@Cooper's Adventures inIowa@blogspot.com

2008-11-16T17:04:00.000-07:00

I was just looking at the last post and I want all of you to know that is not all of our grandchildren. We have been so extremely blessed to have 10. Wow, aren't I a lucky Grandmother? I think so, just thought I'd try to show some other pictures of some of the others.

This is our little boy the next to the youngest member of our family watching the train last Christmas and the other picture is his "big" brother.

The photo above is Great Grandma to all of these beautiful grandchildren. She's my Mom. The picture next to my Mom is the big sister to these brothers. There still some more but I don't have those pictures down loaded yet.

But enjoy some of our family pictures. Each of these dear children have such delightful personalities and are so different from one another even though some are siblings. I can honestly say, I love going to all of our children's homes and enjoying their families. We are so blessed.

2008-11-14T21:13:00.000-07:00

Today has been such a nice day. We went to a caregivers meeting. These are the people that helped Mom while we were gone. They are so nice and this was such a fun and special time. We both really enjoyed ourselves. In fact, everyone there seemed to really have a good time. They had a lady playing a harp - very soothing. They had a nice lunch laid out so we could serve ourselves and they had people there giving back massages, foot massages and hand massages. I had a back massage and this was so nice, my neck has never felt better. I looked over and there was Glen enjoying a foot massage. Now that really was a surprise and he was enjoying it so much. Gives me great ideas for Christmas. Then we both had hand massages. Wow what a day. One hour of pure kindness.

There are people out there that make our lives so much better and so many times we forget to say Thank you. We both tried to tell everyone how much we appreciated their kindness.

When we came out to leave to go home the sun was shining (I think it was before we went in) but it just seemed to be so much brighter. Yes, my mood had changed so much and I really didn't think I was feeling bad before. So there you go.

This was just as nice as a day with our grandchildren and seeing and enjoying how much each of them love the world and are enjoying just living each day.

I know we all have difficult days and this has probably been a bad one for many of you out there but I do hope someone will come into your lives and help to make it "brighter" as ours has been.

Prop 8

2008-11-10T15:54:00.000-07:00

I thought I could just let this go but it seems everywhere I go there are reminders so here goes with my "thoughts".

As far as the LDS Church members being upset by the "Church's" stand on this proposition I just do not understand. Are they active members and have they been listening since they were baptized? Just have to ask because I can't understand why they would question why the church does not change their stand on this. The Bible tells us the Lord has said it is an abomination against him. Now that is not only the LDS church that believes this but other churches as well.

I do not judge these people that are "gay" but I also do not understand what part of this they do not understand. Why wouldn't a church that believes in God, the Father and Jesus Christ his son not be willing to stand up for this? I understand the families of these people, they are hurting but why should things be changed because their children have taken another path in life. Should we look at all unnormal/unnatural things as needing to have changes to accommodate them?

I love the Lord and his son Jesus Christ and I am willing to do what "They" say. I know I am not anywhere near perfect, in fact I'm extremely a long way from it but at the same time I feel like I need to stand and be heard, even it's only by a few, my children, their children, etc.

I pray for these people that are so angry and upset because of this but I don't feel we should make changes on this. It's the Lord who said this - and we should remember.

God bless America!

2008-11-06T10:34:00.000-07:00

Our country has seen so much change in the years I have been here on earth and I marvel at it all of the time. Now we have elected a young man that is black and the funny thing is I hadn't even noticed until they showed blacks on TV crying as though their lives have been changed forever. Why is it when a "white" person talks about a black person we are looking wrongly at the blacks and are condemning them but the blacks seem to always be the ones that bring up the "race" card?

I pray for this young man and the choices he makes of people to work with him. I would think being President of US would be such a demanding job I do not envy anyone that is willing to do this. So much is asked and so many are waiting to criticize.

The great thing about the US is now that elections are over, we throw our support behind the newly elected President (or at least that is how it is suppose to be, but there will always be those unwilling to do just that).

God bless America we are strong because of our diversity. We can survive anything - remember 9/11? Everyone in America felt that heartache but quickly people's memories fade. Just so you know I voted for John Mc Cain but I am willing to work with our newly elected President and as I said I pray for him and those that work with him.

Trip

2008-11-03T17:20:00.000-07:00

This is one of the reasons for the trip. Being able to watch "the cast" come off. Yea, it's gone and her arm is STRAIGHT!! Also, Nik came along for the ride and he had a doctor's appointment for a mole. So they had quite a day, the two of them. So did we.

Back to our trip -- Towards the last we traveled from way far out in Arizona to Henderson NV. When we got there it was very hot! We always stay at a hotel that serves breakfast. This makes it very handy and fast for us but when we arrived at this particular hotel they were also having a "Manager's Appreciation" for all of the hotel guests. They had a table set up with potato chips, macaroni salad, hot and spicy or regular wings, green salad, dressings and some soda or beer for those that prefer. We were so happy as we didn't really want to hit that traffic that' s so familiar down there. So we were able to eat a quick dinner and hit the room early. Sure was nice after traveling.

But the "biggie" happened when we were getting ready to eat the "appreciation". At the head of the line they had paper plates, plastic utensils and napkins. I picked up the usual things, had chips, mac salad and picked up a couple of wings until I realized they were the "Hot and Spicy" ones. So I gave them to Glen (of course, I did) and I went back into line to wait until they got the others back out there. The young fellow in front of me could not keep anything on his plate. As he picked something up it would either not make it to the plate or some other disasterous thing. I teased him and told him that was o.k., we all had days like that. Well you guessed it, those infamous words had just barely left my mouth when I hit the bottom of my plate and dumped the WHOLE thing right there on that nice clean, white table cloth. I was so stunned, I just stood there (which is really unusual for me, usually when I do something stupid (which is regularly) I can come up with a quick come back and clean it right up, but not this time. I just stood there dumb founded. The two young men behind me jumped into action, one grabbed my plate and I finally came out of the stupor and helped brush all of it onto the plate. Then they escorted it to the trash. I was so horrified, not sure why because I seem to do this lately. But they were sure nice guys and I wish I had had the sense to talk to them but instead I just ducked my head and turned around to the table where Glen was waiting.

Yes, this will rank right up there with one of those "memorable" trips. At least, I won't have a huge clay pot sitting around to remind me constantly.

2008-11-01T10:36:00.000-06:00

Well we made it home but haven't had a chance to down load any of our pictures. I'm dying to try putting them on my site. Sue showed me a few things but I haven't tried anything yet.

It was good to be home, we got in about 4:;00 or so. We stopped by the grocery store and picked up some fresh stuff, milk, bread, eggs, etc. anyway I knew if we got home and I got out of the car I wouldn't be going back in that day.

We unpacked and got lots done but by evening we were both done in. We even ordered in, now that is a big deal. We usually don't do that for sure.

Oh and we got home to four large bags from the grocery store FULL of mail. Of course, most of it was junk but it still had to be gone through. Oh what a mess, you order anything online and they get you into they mailings. I need to take time and go to them and get off. Would save a lot of trees.

We had the chance to visit with Nan, Russ and family. It was so fun but extremely short. They are so good to us and I feel so badly that we didn't feel like we could stay longer. I know they feel shorted but we plan on going down later and staying longer.

Can I tell you it's so fun being a grandparent. The kids even like us and that means so much to us. Where they are all so far away it is difficult for them to see just how much we love each of them. For sure no one takes a back seat to another. But it's hard to show that all of the time.

I read some things about Marge Hinckley and she would write to her grandkids and they later said they all felt like they were her favorite. I thought that was so great to give those kids such great love and appreciation that they felt like that. I hope to be able to foster that in our grandchildren. Funny thing, I look at each of them and really can't figure out anything bad about any of them. They are just perfect, yea I know none of us have reached that "yet". But to me they seem that way.

Glen has gone out to mail some things and headed up to Uncle Don's to help him. Guess he missed working with him. Don had some scaffolding that needed to be taken down, so of course, your Dad it there to help. What would we do without him, I don't want to know.

The weather is overcast but warm but last night it was really cool, not what we're used to. Thought it was cool on the desert guess I forgot how it was here. Funny thing though, our planters on the front porch are partially alive but the back ones are doing just great. They look like it's perfect weather for them. They sure look pretty!

Glen closed the curtains and didn't turn on the lights so we didn't even get one T or T but we hadn't picked up any goodies extra, we did have a couple things but the "trunker treat" at the church pretty much gets all of them there and we only get the teens so we didn't feel to badly this year. First year though!!!

Glen just went over to the neighbors and they were telling him that we have kids walking by the mail boxes and opening them and leaving them like that. Sure wish we had those community mail boxes, they just seem so much more secure.

Oh well, guess I'd best get busy and do something, not like there is nothing to do. Hope your Halloween was fun!

2008-10-28T20:46:00.000-06:00

This is one of our reasons for being on vacation. We got to watch Hanae get her cast off. Wow what a day!!!! Red letter for sure!

2008-10-18T17:55:00.000-06:00

Here it is Saturday already and yes we made it to Sue's. We were pretty tired from riding three days but it is worth it to see Sue, Gene and the kids. Woke up early this morning and got up and we had breakfast and then lazy me, I went back to bed. Sue woke me to tell me she and Hanae were leaving to go to Nik's soccer game. That was about 12:30 and it's much later now. Not sure where they all are but I've had the day to just do whatever. I'm afraid I've been very lazy. Good thing though, I've been living on L-lysine and I need to get back to being just me without the EB.

Looks like there are clouds out there, guess we're going to be having some storms. Maybe it will cool down a bit. It has been in the high 80s. Talked to Kristie and she said it was in the 40s and 50 yesterday, guess we brought the weather with us.

This really have been a great trip and being able to see the three girls and their families has been so worth it but I must be getting old because I just don't seem to have the same energy to keep going like I used to.

Hanae showed me her hand today and we compared our hands because she has really long fingers and I told her I thought she had a hand like mine. She put her hand up and laid it next to mine. I told her this was her hand at 6 years old and mine at 66 so that was what she had to look forward to in 60 years. She said - OH. Really impressed she was. I thought it was funny. Little kids are just such a wonder to me, I do so enjoy being a grandma and watching and seeing things I never seemed to have time to see when I was a mom. That is the blessings of enduring to this age.

2008-10-13T20:48:00.000-06:00

It's Monday October 13, 2008 just one day before we leave. I find myself really torn, I can't wait until we see Sue, Gene, Nik and Hanae but I sure will miss Kristie, Jared and Cooper. Cooper hasn't been very happy today, if those teeth don't come in soon, it will drive Cooper and his parents nuts. He really is a very good baby but you can tell he just doesn't feel so good right now, although he smiles all of the time. I feel like little Cooper has a disposition like his Mom and he loves the out doors like his Dad. We have enjoyed watching him learn new things every day. I love this age on up because they learn new things all of the time. Such a fun time in a baby's life.

It has rained most of the day today but has stopped tonight but has it ever turned off cold. It was in the high 70s and nights the low 60s but today I don't think it got up to mid 50s and tonight it was in the 40s as we came back to the hotel.

We did our washing this morning and most of it is dried but there are still a few things hanging around right now. Oh exciting, don't you think?

Funny thing - we heard that yesterday at Mom's they had 11 inches of snow and at our house they had 6 inches. Wow, didn't think we'd get snow so soon. We have been watching the weather to see which way to take down to Sue's. Boy it's a long trip.

Hey big news, gas is $2.75 today here in Des Moines. Sure would be nice if we could have that kind of price all the way until we get home. Oh well it has been fun watching it go down here. Some brightness in this economy. Hate to see what our
401s have done. Guess our remodel will have to wait for a while.

2008-10-09T11:47:00.000-06:00

We went up to visit with Aunt Pammie. We only got to spend one day with her but it was filled with a lot of fun. First off we went out to dinner after getting to Pam at Sandy's. Lovely home she and Jeff have. We enjoyed dinner at Dangerfields. Yummy food!!! K and I got lemon chicken - oh my word, it was so heavenly. Big problem though I couldn't eat it all. But it was worth going all that way. Everyone seemed to really enjoy their dinner and then we went back to Pam's and K and C decided to stay the night there. They have this HUGE tub and of course, you just can't beat that. They seemed to really have a great time there and of course, Aunt Pammie loved having C to love and kiss all of the time.

The next day we went to a landscape arbritium. It was such fun, We were able to enjoy lots of lovely flowers, Halloween decorations, water falls, sprays and such. They have a beautiful rose garden. My goodness such variety and lovely smells. Then we also got to see a dahlia garden. There were so many varieties, many I have not seen before. There were daisy, mums, verbena, and so many more that I just can't remember all of the names. Many trees and the color is coming and wow, the trees were just so lovely. I guess you can figure it out it was a lovely day. Although, we didn't get to go to the "toy" place and I'm sorry about that because C would have loved seeing all of those things.

We didn't leave until after 6 pm so our arrival back in Des Moines was late, around 10 pm. Poor little C was so tired of his car seat and tried so hard to put up a big fuss but between his Mom and his just good nature - he was a little jewel. He's only six months old and just unbelievable how good he is.

While we are missing our other grandchildren, we are also enjoying being here with C and M and J and of coure K and J. We know it will be awhile before we can love him close up. Of course, when we get to S we'll feel the same way about enjoying them.

I know this is how our lives are meant to be but to have all our kids around closer would be so lovely. Although, this does give us a chance to travel around and visit.

Talked to Mom yesterday and she seemed to be so happy. The lady that was suppose to come and take her shopping didn't show up so her supervisor came and then they went out shopping. Guess Mom got lots of exercise, walking that is. She usually takes the ride around cart but there we none available so she walked after she had walked in from the back of the parking lot. I haven't called today because I figured she would be pretty tired. So glad they are taking such good care of her and I really am starting to relax. Thank you Father.

Have a good day everyone.

2008-10-04T20:52:00.000-06:00

Here we are in Des Moines finally we made it. We left Monday and got here on Tuesday after a very long day. What a joy to be here and see Kristie, Jared, Cooper, Moki, and Jade. So fun for everyone to want to see us .Yea for us. Cooper is such a sweet boy, he just grins and tries to kiss you. Yea, it's really difficult having to love him so much. He is a very good baby too, it takes a lot to upset him. He just looks and looks and sometimes tries to copy you. Anyway, it has been great fun. He just makes a person want to kiss and kiss him over again. He will start to chat with you at times and boy does he go at it but other times when you want him to -- of course, he won't.

It was Kristie's B-day yesterday so we went out to dinner at Red Lobster. It was so busy that we wondered if we'd get in but we did and it was really good. Cooper was really good while we ate and of course, everyone made a big fuss over him.

Then we went back to K and J home and watched a movie. Also, S,B and the kids called on Skype so we got to talk to them. That was great fun too,''

Today we have watched General Conference on the TV and then K and J and C came over here for the second part and we had some snacks and watched the second session. Then J and G went to Priesthood Meeting. K and C came over here to visit and we just talked. It was fun. After the guys got back here they fed C and then got him ready and took him back home. It has been such a fun time. This is one of those super great trips that allow us to see one new grandbaby right now and then visit with his parents and then go see another Auntie of C and then back to C for alittle while longer and then down to see another Daughter, Husband, Son and daughter. We should get there soon enough so we can see H cast on her arm before it's taken off. Yea, we can't wait to see them all.

This is a great trip we are enjoying it sooooooooo much!

Love to you all,

2008-09-26T05:09:00.000-06:00

We are progressing on our "list" of things to accomplish before we leave. The decks are COMPLETE!!! YEA!!! They look just lovely and Mom is so happy with them but she keeps saying if I can just live one more day to enjoy them???

Picked up the dry cleaning, did some case lot, picked up last minute medicines, Mom is surviving on the "meals" and I don't think she will die with them. Although, she does enjoy her own cooking much better.

Taking Mom to the doctor tomorrow and then grocery shopping and to pick up meds. Tomorrow is another busy day. Hopefully, then I can get my lesson for Sunday. Just hasn't been a lot of time and of course I kept finding other things to do. I have done some packing and now I have to wash again before we leave.

G has winterized the trailer, taken the beans out of the garden including the poles, picked all of the peaches, we've put all of the tomatoes into the freezer for future work when we get back. Made four batches of peach jam and run a ton of errands trying to get everything ready to go.

See how busy we've been? Yea, right! So much still to do, clean the house, wash, maybe take Mom to another doctor on Monday, which is when I wanted to leave but we'll see later today, finish packing.

I'm so excited to be able to take this trip, just feel like I can't wait. I keep telling G we should leave NOW!

Oh well, another day in our lives.

2008-09-21T20:25:00.000-06:00

We've been away for a few days down in St. George visiting N and family. They are all doing really good. Nichole just went on her first date to Homecoming. Her dress is so cute and she is such a darling little gal. Ben is growing, he's as tall as I am. Wow, I am so happy for him although his Mom informed me that I'm shrinking. Oh great, just what I need!!!

JJ let me read with her and she is growing up so much. She loves to tease and is very good at it. Do you know how many bubble gums you can put in your mouth? Ask JJ?

Aiden is really growing up but he likes to play video games and he couldn't convince me to play with him. I hate them and really don't do well with them. But he beat your Dad good! He kept telling me, I'll teach your Grandma and I'll be easy with you. Yea, right!

We have a big week ahead of us and then we are leaving for the mid west and then down south. Wow we can't wait but there are a lot of things that need to be done before we can leave.

I was left a message from a lady with Meals on Wheels and they are starting to deliver to her tomorrow - Monday. Mom says she isn't too happy about it but I think she might come to enjoy not having to work so hard cooking. Although, I know her cooking is very good and I doubt their meals can compare.

Her decks still need to be finished, the guy that laid the carpet left several messages and G is going to contact him tomorrow and then they will get that finished for her. Also, have to take her to the doctor to see about her hand, I guess it's been really bothering her. I'm not sure what they can do for her. She already is taking some pain meds to help.

I still need to do my VT and get my hair permed and of course all of the washing and deciding what we should take clothes wise and then I have my lesson this coming Sunday. Oh, and I need to get the peach jam made and the tomatoes into the freezer. If we work very hard this week and get everything done, we just hopefully, will be able to leave on Monday if not Tuesday. Yea, I can't wait.

2008-09-16T11:50:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I had a great day and a bad day too. I met a lady, Laurie, from Weber Senior services for lunch and we talked and filled out paperwork to get some help for Mom while we will be gone on our vacation. I told her how Grandma wouldn't let me get her Meals on Wheels. After lunch we went over to Mom's house. Laurie is really good! After she had talked with Mom for a while she said, what about Meals on Wheels? Have you thought about that? You know they would bring in meals once a day and here's a menu and if you don't like everything, make sure you eat the roll, desert and juice. Now Mom started to think about that and decided well I could try. Laurie says well try while Pat is gone and then if you don't want it we can stop it after she comes back. By the time she left she had decided to give Mom a gal to come in once a day M-F and on Wednesdays (Mom's choice) the gal would take her shopping for groceries and medicine and then on Fridays she can get her trash out and what ever she would like her to do. Afterward, Mom says, you know I really don't need anyone coming in each day maybe every other week. I told her Laurie had set it up that way and she should enjoy someone to talk to. I also suggested she could ask them to take her for a ride so she could get out. I think she's thinking about it.

Then the bad part, we picked up some meds yesterday for Mom and they said they didn't have three like she had told us but they were having some problems with her insurance and so I forgot about the third one. Well Mom called last night and she had discovered she only had two of her medications. She then called the pharmacy and they said the other one had been picked up on Saturday. Mom then called us back and said she had called K to see if he had picked it up. Well he called her back and yes, he'd picked it up and she didn't need it until Wednesday so he'd get it to her then. I think he's trying to make a point but doing it with medication just doesn't set right with me. He wants to upset me to show me "how it feels when someone does something you don't know about". Funny thing about that is the other two things he's all out of joint about he told me I had to either decide to let him know everything or do it myself. I had told him about some other things and he blew me off saying they didn't need to be done. Then after he came and accused your Dad of throwing money right and left as G is working to save Mom $1,000 by taking the old carpet off and the railing off and on afterward. I decided he was so busy that I'd just do. Guess I'm having a bad time, when he was "taking" care of Dad I supported him 100% but he knows more than I do, I mean I'm just a "fat, old woman".

2008-09-13T15:41:00.000-06:00

It's Saturday and what a week. Been involved with Mom and her deck problems. The carpet was laid yesterday and G is up there putting up the railings. He is also going to wash down the front of her trailer - although if he gets started she'll probably have a million "other" things for him to do. On Monday the carpet guy is coming back to put the trim piece around the edge. He said the carpet is so thin that he wanted it to dry before doing anything else because the glue would come right through.

Also on Monday I am meeting with a lady from Weber County Senior Services. I have met her once before and talked to her on the phone. She is the one that runs the support group we went to. I asked her if she knew of anyone I could hire (because Mom has too much in savings to qualify for their regular programs). She talked to me for a while and then said she had a slot in a program that she would give to Grandma for someone to help her while we are gone. We are getting together on Monday for me to answer the questions (you know paper work) and then after a light lunch we are going over to Mom's so she can meet her.

I got brave yesterday after I had gone and got Mom's groceries and told her about this gal. She informed me there were lots around her in the ward that had offered to help - but up to now she would never take advantage of them. I doubt she would now. I tried to tell her it would make me feel so much better that I knew someone was there to get her groceries or take her shopping and pick up her meds and take out her trash. I don't know how this is going to work out, keep us in your prayers.

I am teaching tomorrow in the Gospel Doctrine class and the lesson is about Samuel the Lamanite who preaches to the Nephities about their sins and how they are unwilling to repent and follow the Lord's teachings through his Prophets. Some times I think we are a lot like those people and forget about what the Lord wants us to do and to give him thanks for all he does for us.

I am grateful for my "great" hubby. He makes me complete. I'm also grateful for our daughters and their wonderful husbands and of course for all of our grandchildren. They range in age from 16 years down to 5 months. Now how much more blessed can anyone be?

2008-09-09T16:50:00.000-06:00

Working on Mom's decks now. She is getting new carpet on Thursday so the old had to come off along with the nasty old glue. G has been up there most of yesterday and a few hours today. He has it just about ready. Of course, K came up and acted like a teenager throwing a temper tantrum. Yes, life around him is fun? Mom called him up to come and help G to get things ready, as he didn't know anything about it, he was of course livid. He had his plans all made so what is going on and since we're throwing money around right and left? Anyway, he came and grabbed and bent and pulled and did his best to act like a true "A" and then jumped in his car the minute I got there bringing lunch, and ran away. How can a 50 some year old act so ridiculous? I know it's because he hasn't had any kids to smooth out his corners and activate his maturity. Of course, his hair is turning white but it hasn't helped his "problems". Oh and did I say, G has saved Mom almost a $1,000.

I feel like Mom enjoys these things, she sits them up and then acts all upset and wonders why they are happening. As I look back I realize she has done these things all of her life and probably doesn't even realize what's she's doing now. Just can't excuse it though, even if she is 91. Her greatest excuse is that she is 91.

There are times I want to run away and pretend I'm adopted - funny thing about that when I was a little girl I told the neighbor I was adopted. Funny how kids see things we adults take so long to see.

I wish I could figure a way not to react to her and my brother's stupid actions. In my patrihical (spelling) blessing I am told I should be a peace maker and honor my parents. Well, it's getting more difficult all of the time to do these things. G thinks it's about time I've reached this point but those words just keep coming back to me and the guilt factor rises up. I do love my family, somewhere in me, it's just right now I'm having problems feeling it.

We are planning on going on a trip to visit K & J & C and then down to S & G & N & H. While we are gone I hope to be able to find someone I can pay to come and take Mom shopping to get her groceries and pick up her meds. I know she won't be happy with this but at least I'll know she can get them taken care of. K would do it but he makes everything such a production and acts all out of joint if he has to do anything he hasn't sit up himself. If it were his idea I'm sure it would be fine but I just can't bring myself to deal with him since he called and blew up. Yes, I know - COWARD!

Thank you for being there and reading this - it helps to write it out.

2008-09-06T22:53:00.000-06:00

We took P to the airport this afternoon and really hated to see her go. She has been wonderful with Grandma. Why Grandma looks so much better she has some color in her face but she is still complaining (bad habit!) On the way back, we stopped at Home Depot to get the things going for her new carpet to be laid on her decks. Once it was paid for the installers will contact us and we can set a date. Hope it isn't too far away. They can only do it if the temp is higher than 69 so keep your fingers crossed!

One less thing to worry about. Your Dad is planning on going up there next week to take the old carpet off and the railings off. I will be very grateful when it's done.

Then after that we're hoping to run down to Nan's and family so your Dad can help Ben finish off his train set. And then after that it's plans for heading East away from her for several weeks!! We can wait to see you guys out there. Sure wish our peach tree would at least look like it was trying to get ripe - still green as gore. Oh great!! Still have beans coming on so we have to take care that we get as many as we can and the tomatoes too. We have put several bags into the freezer for a later time of canning them. I always make tomato sauce, which is great because there is no additional salt or anything else, just the tomatoes and a little water to help them cook down.

Be nice if we could get our garden cleaned out a bit before we come back so there isn't so much to do when we come home.

Get away

2008-08-31T20:13:00.000-06:00

We finally just decided to take the trailer and head out. We went up to St. Charles Canyon as you girls will know all about. We love going up there and were extremely surprised that we were alone in the camp ground for two whole days and then the crowds started to come. Lots of reservations were posted at most of the camping areas. This of course considering Labor Day was fast approaching.

We were right by the river where there are two little water falls. It was so beautiful with yellow flowers and moss and then to be able to listen to the water was just heavenly. It was quite cold up there, the first night it got down to 44 degrees. A bit colder than here at home but we snuggled down under the covers and enjoyed it. The weather warmed up during the day so we didn't even have to wear jackets or long pants. No phones, no TV, just peace and quiet. We did a lot of reading, talking, taking walks and just plain relaxing. G widdled a piece of wood down to the shape of a smoke stack for a little wooden train he got in Europe. Very fun!

We came back all relaxed and ready to do whatever. But wish we were still up there. Such good memories of going up there when our family was younger.

2008-08-24T21:53:00.000-06:00

It's been a while since I was able to write. I talked earlier about going to the caregiver class and how much better I felt. It was really such a great feeling after just one get together. It was like a great pressure had been lifted.

Since then my brother has come back into the picture, he does now and then when it is convenient for him. If I don't call and tell him what is happening and what I plan to do he comes unglued but at the same time he doesn't feel it is important to tell me anything. So I was frustrated with it all and called around and hired a guy to come and fix her sprinkler system. It is working so great! But my brother showed up a few days later and was extremely upset. Why he had made plans to come and look at it and fix it. No, he hadn't called to tell me what he was planning on doing but I guess I'm suppose to "read" his mind. Anyway, it was a nasty phone call and got me all upset again. I worked really hard to put that somewhere else in my mind so as not to have to deal with the ugliness of it.

I talked to Mom this afternoon and something else is wrong, this time with her AC. I told her I thought she would need a new one. Well the guy that had come earlier just didn't do it right according to her. So here we go again. This is the frustrating part, we not only have to take care of her needs but her home's needs also. Which is a big job considering G is taking care of our home and yard and then going up to D to help him with his new garage. Where to go now??

Something on a more pleasant note, today at church in my Gospel Doctrine Class, which I teach we talked about the 2,000 Stripling Warriors. What a joy it must be to have children with such strong testimonies that they are willing to go to defend their country and families. I had not stopped to consider how old these young men were. About the age of our Aaronic Priesthood boys that pass the sacrament. Just think they were so serious and wanted to follow what their Mothers had taught them and they believed completely what the Lord told them to do. I have been blessed with five beautiful, faithful, wonderful daughters. Although, one of them is not active right now, she is still a good person and I have to remind myself. We have also been blessed to have four sons-in-laws that I would take anyone or all of them as my sons. They are all such great guys. They are willing to help us and do anything to be there for us. What more could we ask? Nothing as far as I can see.

Anyway, I am grateful for my family not only our daughters, sons-in-laws but our ten wonderful grandchildren. They are growing up so fast and they have been and are a joy to watch and be around.

The Table

2008-08-19T14:20:00.000-06:00

This is our new table and chairs. We've had our old ones for like 25 years.

We wanted to get some new ones, but we didn't realize these were so "Big". Yes, the showroom strikes again. We do like the chairs even though they are so big, they are lighter to lift than our old ones were. The table is just larger, now I have to find new table cloths. Oh well, we love it and we're going to enjoy it a lot. We'll see what our family thinks.

2008-08-16T15:42:00.000-06:00

You know our party started at 6:30 p.m. and everyone was on time and no one even thought of leaving until after 10:00 p.m. I think our party was a success which was a delight for us. We both worked very hard and everyone was so kind and thoughtful. We had such fun just visiting and eating and then G made the Russell's Special. Wow everyone loved that and wanted to know how to make it. G said afterward if he'd realize how much people would like it he would have told them it was a "Family Secret" which of course, it isn't. Although it should be. Our son-in-law that came up with the idea is very clever and it is without a doubt delicious. Just so refreshing and tasty. Only pineapple sherbet, raspberries and bananas.

After the desert we played a game, hand and foot. We learned this originally from our daughter and son-in-law. They played it a bit differently, of course there were nine of us and that would make the other way difficult.

Our new table worked just lovely for sitting that many but we had to shrink it down to play cards. It was a little crowded but who cares. We also didn't use all of the chairs that came with the table as they are way too big to scoot together. Our folding chairs worked just great.

Support Group

2008-08-15T15:49:00.000-06:00

Today we went to a support caregiver group. It was great to listen to others and the problems they are experiencing and to know so many are exactly like mine. I received several suggestions of how to go about dealing with my Mom. Most all suggested I walk away and not let her run the show by manipulation or any other way. One lady said she would just call up and ask how she was doing and if she said she was really bad, tell her the door bell just rang and I had to go. This ladies Mom was there and she is in the beginning stages of Alzheimers . In fact there were two ladies that had this problem with their husbands too. The lady that it was her Mom has been bringing her to the meetings to help her with transitioning to an assisted living situation.

I was concerned that because Mom doesn't live with me that I was not really experiencing the caregiver type of burn out. But there were several others that didn't live with the people they did care giving for. That helped out a lot to hear. One lady and her husband had sold their house and her mother's house and bought a house together. Mom lives upstairs and they live down. That lady would keep nodding every time I said something that she was dealing with. She is a quiet lady but I could sense that this had been very difficult for her and her husband.

I didn't realize this would be so tiring to go to this. It was only an hour but I am exhausted. We are having a party with about four couples from our neighborhood tonight here at our house. I have been working as has G trying to get things ready. I am looking forward to making changes in my life. I know it will be a welcome change for G also. This party tonight is the beginning of doing things for us.

August 13, 2008

2008-08-13T22:27:00.000-06:00

I have been thinking about where I am in my life and how I got here. I have been so blessed to have such sweet and caring daughters and I have an incredible husband whom I would not have wanted to take this journey without.

He is kind and loving and I know he is always on my side. It's really great to know you are loved unconditionally and that is the kind of love I've gotten from him.

I didn't grow up with this type of love, in fact I really didn't think I was loved at all until I gave birth to our first daughter and he was so concerned over what I had been through to bring her into this world. I knew he had been there with me all the way. Even though back then he couldn't go into the delivery room with me.

I grew up wondering who I was and why I was put here on this earth. I don't remember much happiness only critical comments all of the time. A lot of fighting between my parents was also very common, so being married to the man I am has been a joy ride for me because he loves me and I love him.

Right now we are going through a difficult time with my mom. She is 91 years old and has worked hard all of her life but now she is having problems and just doesn't know how to cope with it. She is a very manipulative person and has been very good at it. I have finally reached a point that I can't deal with this anymore. After 66 years there is no more in me to handle this and I feel so much weight on my shoulders. My brother isn't willing to see that she needs to be in a place where they can help her and she can find things to be involved with. She has always been very social and now that she can't go as she would like, she takes it out on us. She thinks I should be up there with her at least 3-4 times a week. There for a while I was doing it but I realize I have had no life of my own. Just being there or worrying about what my mom needed. No, I am not a saint nor do I want to give that impression. I just need a break without feeling guilty for doing anything on our own.

This is without a doubt the most difficult thing I have had to do in my life. Even raising our five daughters can't compare. Of course I was much younger then too but this is hard to become the "mom" instead of the daughter. I know I'm not the first to experience this but I hope I am learning what "not" to do as I age. I have warned several of them to tell me if I get this way and remind me.

The Caregiver

2008-08-12T11:12:00.000-06:00

I decided to come into this century and learn to blog. Su started it and then K has one so now it's M turn.

Today we are going to a caregiver class support group. I feel the need to extend myself out there. This is really uncomfortable for me so we'll see how things go. My Mom is not in my home but we are there sometimes three or four times a week. It's either fixing her Ac, furnace, lawn, sprinklers, porch, outside furniture not to mention food, medicine, doctor or having accidents. Doing her bills or handling problems she has with bills. I don't feel like I have a life of my own anymore. Hopefully this class will help.